For all my Christmas singing friends...

[mcroft]

captainlucy makes the blinding discovery that Christmas muzak can be made bearable by inserting the word ‘Sex’ for ‘Christmas’.

‘I wish it could be sex everyday…’ etc etc.

It can also be made deeply disturbing, vide the first line from ‘Do they know it’s Christmas…

via Crooked Timber

'I'll be home for sex.'
'All I want for sex is my two front teeth.'
'The twelve days of sex.'

Now, I think this also applies to Christmas specials and movies as well. Although you get some odd results.

'The year without sex.'
'The nightmare before sex.'
'Sex with the Kranks.'
'Julie Andrew's The Sound of Sex.'

And some really disturbing ones.

'A Garfield Sex Special.'
'It's a Very Merry Muppet Sex Movie'

In the end, nothing really beats this for "things I did not want to think about".
'Bob Hope's Overseas Sex Tours: Around the World with the Troops - 1941-1972'

Comments

[bassfingers.livejournal.com]

'How the Grinch Stole Sex'
'A Sex Story' (You'll shoot your eye out!)
'National Lampoon's Sex Vacation'
'Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Sex'
'Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Sex'
'A Child's Sex in Wales'
'Ernest Saves Sex'
'Jim Henson's The Sex Toy'
'A Pinky & the Brain Sex Special'
'John Denver & the Muppets: A Sex Together'
'Inspector Gadget Saves Sex'
'Winnie the Pooh and Sex Too'

Ok, gotta stop...

[mcroft.livejournal.com]

All good, but I still have to go with Bob Hope. I mean really. He used to take Brooke Shields on those things. And I don't care who he goes around the world with.

[veazeyae.livejournal.com]

Wasn't there a "Very Brady Sex Special'?

And the song, "Here comes Santa Claus" would have a
whole new meaning...

[follybard.livejournal.com]

And the song, "Here comes Santa Claus" would have a whole new meaning...

AHAHAHAHA!!!

Spouse and I once heard a comedian (at an open mic night, I think) making fun of romance novels that substitute the word "love" for male naughty bits, and pondering what would happen if one were to make the opposite substitution in modern pop songs. As a result, spouse has been known to break into the occasional chorus of "Dick, dick me do! You know I dick you!"

...but the BEST reaction to this anecdote came from my (always-brilliant) sister, who immediately began singing, with feeling:
"When I need dick
I just close my eyes and I touch dick
I never knew there was so MUCH dick,
Keeping me warm night and day...."

[mcroft.livejournal.com]

The Beatles are a great source for mining this vein...

All you need is dick!
(All together now...)

She dicks me, yeah, yeah, yeah...

----
However there are others. There's Paul Williams.
----
Dick, exciting and new
Come Aboard. We're expecting you.
Dick, life's sweetest reward.
Let it flow, it floats back to you.

Dick Boat soon will be making another run
The Dick Boat promises something for everyone
Set a course for adventure,
Your mind on a new romance.

Dick won't hurt anymore
It's an open smile on a friendly shore.
Yes DIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK! It's DIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK! (hey-ah!)

[mcroft.livejournal.com]

And now the ghost of Freddy Mercury is nudging me...

This thing called dick I just can't handle it
This thing called dick I must get round to it
I ain't ready
Crazy little thing called dick...

nope, Dick Boat is still better.

[rivergdss.livejournal.com]

Some day I'll remember that drinking while reading your posts is a bad idea, at least for monitors and keyboards.

[kcarp.livejournal.com]

"I want a hippopotamus for sex" extra freaky due to the childlike voice.

Oy.