mcroft | Wherein I contemplate dialog that will not be used in The Dark Knight

Christian Bale as Batman
Michael Caine as Alfred
Heath Ledger as The Joker
Sen. Patrick Leahy as "The Distinguished Gentleman"

Yes, Leahy is moving from The Animated Series (where he played a politician) to the Live Action Blockbuster Movie Series.

So, here's the scene as I envision it:

On the senate floor, things were tense. A key vote on restoring truth and justice was almost evenly balanced, 49 for and 48 against. Only Joe "Two-Face" Lieberman was holding out. Each side was offering him delicious baked goods to vote with them.

Suddenly the door to the Senate Cloakroom burst open and a stocky, balding older man (played by Karl Rove or Rush Limbaugh) stormed in. "Lieberman, you've gotta vote against this! It'll tie my hands and I can't have that. Vote my way and I'll give you this shiny ring of power. You can retire to be king of Angmar."

"What about Kay Bailey?" asked Two Face.

"She can be your Queen," he replied with a sneer that would make Billy Idol pause.

"Okay!" said Joe.

"Oh Noes! It's a tie and he's the tiebreaker! What do we do?", the senators asked Harry Reid.

"Not much we can do. That's Major League. None of us have a big enough pair to stand up to him. They say he shot a man in Texas, just to watch him die."

Quietly, Leahy got out his iPhone. He entered the Bat-phonenumber and began composing an SMS message ""Help, help!" he thumbtyped, "a Heffalump, a Horrible Heffalump! Help. L-L-Leahy. Me!"

Major League turned at the sound of clicking, enraged. "Did you just IM for help, Leahy? No one can get the missing senators here in time. They're in Iowa. And I can keep them out anyway because I control the Senate Police. You gave me that power when you reauthorized the Patriot Act. You, Senator, can go f*ck yourself."

Leahy wept.

The clock ticked down to the final minute of the vote. Just as Major League was walking to the podium to cast his evil tiebreaker, there was a crash from the Senate Cloakroom.

"Let them in, now," a voice growled.

"Who are you?"

"I'm the goddamned Batman." There was a meaty thump, and a man in black with a mask opened the door. Senators Clinton and Obama ran to their desks and voted for truth and justice and saved the day.

"We owe a great deal to Batman," said Senator Reid.

"He's gone. Let's give the credit to Leahy. There's an early primary in his state," replied Senator Edwards.

"Okay!," said Senators Obama and Clinton in unison.