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This is a true story...
Dearest Penultimate Previous Employer,
Thank you for your correspondence of 18 April 2006 regarding the survey underway for Managers at this time. While I would like to respond as you requested, my employee ID has not worked on the Employee Portal since 2003 when my position was eliminated in one of the many rounds of layoffs that were part of the (now successfully completed) campaign to eliminate the Houston Development office.
According to your email, I have employees reporting directly to me and you want me to log on to an HR system and verify information regarding them. If I were able to enter the system, I would certainly have nothing but good things to say about my Direct Reports. While all of their jobs were also eliminated, they were excellent workers and created value for the organization to the extent that they were allowed to. I would recommend them for raises and promotions if either I or they were still employed by the organization.
I am sad to say that my inability to use the tool you require will, in addition to other factors, prevent me from responding by the deadline in the email of January 20th, 2005. I hope this will not reflect poorly on me, my subordinates, or my supervisor, whose position has also been eliminated. Additionally, I would be pleased to provide my answers to the Gallup G12 Survey, as I have definite opinions on the state of my work environment, before I left the company.
Best of luck with "updating computer records", "tracking employee status", and other tasks necessary to running a computer record processing/keeping business.
Regards,
Michael Croft, former employee
PS: If I am in the HR system as having direct reports, perhaps you can look into where all my paychecks since 2003 have gotten to.
Thank you for your correspondence of 18 April 2006 regarding the survey underway for Managers at this time. While I would like to respond as you requested, my employee ID has not worked on the Employee Portal since 2003 when my position was eliminated in one of the many rounds of layoffs that were part of the (now successfully completed) campaign to eliminate the Houston Development office.
According to your email, I have employees reporting directly to me and you want me to log on to an HR system and verify information regarding them. If I were able to enter the system, I would certainly have nothing but good things to say about my Direct Reports. While all of their jobs were also eliminated, they were excellent workers and created value for the organization to the extent that they were allowed to. I would recommend them for raises and promotions if either I or they were still employed by the organization.
I am sad to say that my inability to use the tool you require will, in addition to other factors, prevent me from responding by the deadline in the email of January 20th, 2005. I hope this will not reflect poorly on me, my subordinates, or my supervisor, whose position has also been eliminated. Additionally, I would be pleased to provide my answers to the Gallup G12 Survey, as I have definite opinions on the state of my work environment, before I left the company.
Best of luck with "updating computer records", "tracking employee status", and other tasks necessary to running a computer record processing/keeping business.
Regards,
Michael Croft, former employee
PS: If I am in the HR system as having direct reports, perhaps you can look into where all my paychecks since 2003 have gotten to.
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*ROTFLMAO*
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(Thank you for sharing!)
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I love you, man.
Sadly, no...
So it wouldn't have worked. I wonder if other former coworkers got the same email, though...
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I think I'm in for a miserable work week, because I'm busy having an attitude problem (no one knows but me.) So I needed that smile, thus you served a good purpose anyway.
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